Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
