We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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