i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
