i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize