i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
how drunk are you?
Several
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
