Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You smell like stripper and shame
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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