I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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