Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
