a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
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If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
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If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.