He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before