One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.