Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
