I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
