He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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