I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
