right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
