Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
