So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
