just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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