Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
