even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
