May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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