OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
