i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
