I want you more than these girls want KFC
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
