you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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