is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Someone shattered a urinal.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
