I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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