Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
