Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
