Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
