she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
