just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
That accounts for only three of the penises
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
