Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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