hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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