Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
