I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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