I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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