I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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