i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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