why didn't you poke me back
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
