i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
