are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
