Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
