I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize