Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
