you traded sex for a burrito?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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