Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I smell like Dick and happiness
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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