love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
