Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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