i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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