Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
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