he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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