Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
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I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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