how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
