i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My dick has a subreddit
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize