I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
