I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
