Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
