One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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