Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
