You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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