taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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