i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
