Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
