so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
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