I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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