it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
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