please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
