You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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