I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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