If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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