I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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