how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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