There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
