Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
